I can't help but question the reasoning behind the latest Cialis commercial ...where a guy sets out on a body of water to man a sailboat by himself. I can't say I'd care to be "medically enhanced" while sitting alone in a boat, when I can safely assume there are enough dinghies floating in the water already.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Literal Truth in Advertising
The word "Loom", used as a verb means to "appear or hang" ... I don't think I'll be buying that brand of underwear anymore
Weekly Specials
I Watched a commercial for a grocery store's weekly specials on tv .. they said "Lays potato chips were $1.59 each" .. I figured hell, I could get a whole bag for $2.00 somewhere else
Life Lessons
The best lesson I learned as a kid - when you've pushed your limit with a person of authority and they utter the phrase "So Help Me God" ...never respond with "Amen"
A Wrong Conclusion for the Right Idea
My parents divorced when I was five years old. Before my mom got back on her feet, she, my younger brother and I stayed with my grandparents. Since none of my mom's other siblings were out on their own yet, there was quite a houseful... four older aunts and two uncles who were close to the same age as my brother and me.
The family had strong religious morals and some topics weren't open for discussion, especially from an intuitive five year old.
There was a linen closet right before the entrance to the bathroom that stocked the latest craze for toiletries at the time that all of us boys were forbidden to touch.. especially the "Five Day Deodorant Pads".
One day, I overheard my youngest aunt explain to my grandmother that she was having her period and she was out of pads. ..I had no clue what a period was, other than the use in a sentence. I already knew that I wasn't going to get any answers asking anyone there, but on occasion, my mom would do what she could to try and explain things. So I finally got the chance to ask her to which she explained, without going into great detail, that a period is when a girl begins to bleed and left it at that.
The next day, I crossed paths with my youngest aunt as we were trying to get ready for school. Unbeknownst to me, she had nicked herself shaving her underarms and hadn't applied her deodorant yet. I watched as she grabbed the "Five Day Deodorant Pads" and in my innocent mind, put two and two together for myself. From that moment on, whenever the utterance of someone having their period became available for my open ears to hear, I thought to myself "Oh that must suck.. to bleed from your armpits for seven days and have pads that only last for five."
The family had strong religious morals and some topics weren't open for discussion, especially from an intuitive five year old.
There was a linen closet right before the entrance to the bathroom that stocked the latest craze for toiletries at the time that all of us boys were forbidden to touch.. especially the "Five Day Deodorant Pads".
One day, I overheard my youngest aunt explain to my grandmother that she was having her period and she was out of pads. ..I had no clue what a period was, other than the use in a sentence. I already knew that I wasn't going to get any answers asking anyone there, but on occasion, my mom would do what she could to try and explain things. So I finally got the chance to ask her to which she explained, without going into great detail, that a period is when a girl begins to bleed and left it at that.
The next day, I crossed paths with my youngest aunt as we were trying to get ready for school. Unbeknownst to me, she had nicked herself shaving her underarms and hadn't applied her deodorant yet. I watched as she grabbed the "Five Day Deodorant Pads" and in my innocent mind, put two and two together for myself. From that moment on, whenever the utterance of someone having their period became available for my open ears to hear, I thought to myself "Oh that must suck.. to bleed from your armpits for seven days and have pads that only last for five."
Brotherly Love
My brother and I are categorically the two different sides to the coin, but it really keeps things interesting. One day he told me that he really thought crotch rockets were cool. I thought for a moment then told him "For as bad as you scorched your hand setting off bottle rockets, I would think you would want to find a safer way to impress the ladies."
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